Today, as I was working on my presentation on Dissociative Identity Disorder, the muse nudged me to be more creative. The creative piece I am working on at the moment, is called, Being Merry. Now to be fair, I shall probably not use any of this material for the end piece, but at the moment, I am proud of what I have written and so thought I would showcase it here. What follow is an introduction to Merry’s life, who has Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), or what is more commonly known as Multiple Personality Disorder. She is a duel-heritage character who experiences the world through her duality – always being a half of something, rather than a whole. And so, her makeup exasperates her mental condition. The voices from her past become confused with the voices from her present – it’s all confusing! (But that’s the point.)
Any comments would be gratefully appreciated.
The more I learn, the less I know. The harder I search, the louder the truth trumpets in my ears: that I have lived many lives, spanning hundreds of years, across continents.
Retracing my steps to search for something that was once lost is futile. I know this. Yet I am compelled to search by a force I do not understand. What am I searching for? My sanity; my sense of self. The further along I go along in this journey, the more I wonder whether I had it to begin with.
I am the full stop, the black finality at the end of an exclamation mark; the last at the end of a line spanning back hundreds of years. I am a symbol; a representation; an idea: the product of my environment.
And as I strive to define myself, to become myself, being partly of Caribbean descent, the exact opposite happens. I am losing myself in my blood drenched history. The hands that claw to save themselves are pulling me down into the black abyss. The voices ring out in my head, crashing and careening in a cacophony of noise, and I can no longer differentiate their voices from mine.
I am lost.
I am splintered. The fissures run deep. Within the cracks the pieces have developed into minds of their own – a village full of people with the potential to multiply into a small country. I see the world through fractured, frosted glass.
Sometimes letting the Devil know you’re defiant is all the spirit will allow. Even if you don’t have the fundamental tools to fight him, you are calm in the knowledge that you do fight.
And in the dank darkness, He sharpens his teeth.